POLITICS: The Never Before Revealed Inside Story Of The Scam Being Perpetrated By This Section

So, um, well, this is disappointing. Sigh...

I had such noble goals for my substack. I was going to rise above the daily noise, and take the high road to the very most important issues facing the human race. I was going to steer clear of demeaning petty social racket unworthy of a true intellectual (ahem!) and present myself as the blissfully wise sage elder statesman with the most deeply profound insights in to the human condition, blah, blah, blah and blah.

And then something happened. Reality happened. Don't you hate it when reality interrupts your fantasies? Why does it always do that? Can’t that be fixed?? Argh!

So I was wandering around Substack looking for intelligent blogs to investigate and stumbled upon the substack written by Robert Reich. You probably know of him, he's been a prominent leader in the Democratic Party for years. He was for example, Secretary of Labor in the Clinton administration. He's a cool guy, with a charming habit of witty self-deprecating humor. As you would imagine, his blog is all about politics, from the perspective of considerable high level experience.

Anyway, so there I am on Reich's blog telling anybody and everybody why they're wrong of course, and before I realized what was happening, it suddenly dawned on me. Wait, hang on a second, holy cow, I just posted about 137 comments over the last hour. Long comments too. Lots and lots and lots of words.

So the truth finally comes out, right there in public for everyone to see. It seems I have a lot to say about politics. Oh dear...

The Scam

Do you see how I'm trying to both say a lot about politics, and position myself above saying a lot about politics at the same time? Yup, this is a 'cake and eat it too' operation folks.

Only you dear reader, only you and you alone, along with everybody else, will have the inside scoop on the scam I'm running here. Don't tell anybody, ok?

To understand my scam let's first recall that everybody on all sides of American politics is desperate to position themselves as being above somebody else. As you know, this is the whole point of politics, the most fundamental reason for the existence of this enterprise.

The Democrats are always yelling, "We are superior to the Republicans!!!" And the Republicans yell back, "We are superior to the Democrats!!!" It's basically a battle to see who can add the most exclamation points to the end of their highly predictable yelling.

So here's how my special scam works. This is my clever little secret strategy thingy revealed here on this page for the first time. Don’t you find this breathlessly exciting?

I'm not content to pretend I'm superior to only half of the population like the Democrats and Republicans do. What's a loser's game that is!! No sir, not me, I wanna be pretend superior to EVERYBODY!!!!! (Please note that I have more exclamation points than either the liberals or conservatives.)

Read with utterly bored amazement as I position myself as a better Democrat than the Democrats, a better Republican than the Republicans, and if I have time, a better Catholic than the Pope. I’m one clever little pathetic nerd person, and by the time I’m done, nobody will be left above me untouched.

So that's the scam here folks. My fantasy is way more ridiculous and blatantly self serving than your average run of the mill political commentary. This is where you’ll find THE REAL DEAL. Watch how my little typoholic ego deftly positions itself above all players in the insane asylum of American politics.

The Conspiracy

And you thought that was all? Oh c'mon, puhleeze, stop under estimating the greatest political commentator of all time.

You see, I will wail against the evil corporate media industry for deliberately feeding the public's worst instincts for profit, while I say every outrageous and inconvenient thing I can think of so as to troll my way to a massive audience and substack subscription riches beyond my wildest dreams.

That's right friends, I mean suckers, your emotions will be deliberately manipulated so as to make me wealthy, because I am, without question, an authentic news media professional superior to all others. Facebook, Twitter, Fox News, MSNBC, all the rest of them, small timers, losers.

The Disclaimer

Please know that I won't be attempting to cover the details of day to day politics in Washington and elsewhere, because that is a sad little job for lesser mortals.

Also, I won't be sending out my political posts by email to subscribers of this blog, because I'm hoping that I can get away with blowharding up a storm in this section without my subscribers catching on to what a fool I am. So if you want the really bad stuff that this section of TannyTalk will specialize in, you'll need to, you know, get off your lazy little Internet fanny and come here and find it yourself. I am not responsible for your poor decisions!!!

So now that you're clear on what a time wasting annoyance the political section of TannyTalk promises to be, as they say in the entertainment biz which is corporate news media....

It's show time folks!