POLITICS: Aborting The Abortion Debate
This page will help us abort everything that Democrats and Republicans have been yelling about abortion.
One of the things that inspired Crackpot Party founder Til Fanny to launch the Crackpot movement was witnessing the intellectual bankruptcy of both the Democratic and Republican parties on the subject of abortion.
We're supposed to believe that one of these political parties is correct and the other party is wrong. This is the line being relentlessly sold by both parties.
We need the Crackpot Party because no one else in America is willing to say out loud that neither of the major political parties rise to the level of being either right or wrong on the abortion issue, because they're BOTH just plain old stupid.
To illustrate this hysterical Crackpot Party fantasy superiority claim, let's take a quick look at each of the major political party's abortion policies.
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY:
The Democratic Party appears to be completely obsessed with blaming the abortion controversy on anybody except itself and those having abortions.
The Democrats tell us that the abortion controversy is the fault of the Supreme Court. They say the abortion controversy is caused by Republican Party. Oh, and the abortion controversy is the fault of state legislatures too. And let us not forget say the Democrats over and over, the abortion controversy comes straight from those darned religious people.
The Democratic Party has a lot to say on the subject of abortion for sure, but here's what we're never going to hear them say, the plain simple truth.
TRUTH: Most (not all) abortions are a baby killing service that we provide to those who are too irresponsible to use contraception.
DEMOCRATIC RATIONALIZATIONS:
But wait, the Democrats will immediately whine, contraception doesn't always work!
Sigh...
And so now we have to explain how sex works to high ranking Democratic Party officials with advanced degrees from elite Ivey League universities.
So you see kids, there is only one sex act which can lead to pregnancy. If you don't do that one sex act, nobody is going to get pregnant. It's pretty simple really.
The Democratic Party children will then whine again, "Daddy, daddy, WTF, are you saying that we can't have sex???"
Nobody said that.
What the Crackpot Party is suggesting is that if a person doesn't have full confidence in their contraception method they have the option of engaging in all the various sex acts with great enthusiasm all day long every day of the year, except the one single act that can lead to pregnancy. This method of birth control is totally free, universally available, and 100% effective.
The Democrats will now whine some more that this suggestion is totally unreasonable.
Oh, really?
Are the Democrats aware that there are many millions of gay and lesbian folks all over the planet who never do the one sex act that can lead to pregnancy, and none of them seem to be complaining about their sex lives? Are the Democrats prepared to tell their base that homosexuals are being unreasonable too?
That's pretty much all there is to it in most (not all) cases. Some people don't wish to be sexually responsible, and the Democratic Party solution to this problem is that such people should kill their children.
For you see, the Democrats believe in human rights!! For themselves. For unborn children, not so much.
Also, they apparently don’t teach arithmetic at elite Ivey League universities, because the Democrats seem to have quite a bit of difficulty understanding the difference between one body and two bodies.
You're very unlikely to ever hear any of the above mentioned by anyone in the Democratic Party, because to do so would be to undermine the Democrat's incurable passion for playing the victim, and pointing the finger of blame at anybody but themselves.
So, having read the above you may be thinking you don't really want to be a Democrat, so maybe you'd better be a Republican instead. Oops, sorry, no, that's the false narrative the Crackpot Party is trying to warn you about. You don't want to be a Republican, because they're just a delusional as the Democrats on the issue of abortion.
THE REPUBLICAN PARTY:
The Republican Party approach to abortion will make your head spin with it's mastery of irrational self contradictory thinking. To illustrate the Republican position on abortion, let's take a second for a quick little thought experiment.
Thought Experiment: If you will, imagine for a moment that I walk in to a state Child Protection Agency and say I'm thinking about killing my children. What will happen next?
Will that state agency use it's legal powers to force me to have more children?
Or, will that state agency use it's legal powers to take away the children I already have?
This is simple, right? Not if one is a Republican apparently.
For you see, the Republican Party position on abortion is as follows:
If a couple is considering killing their unborn child, then...
The state should force that couple to become parents of that child.
So, in summary, people who want to kill their kids should have more kids, and the state should force them to do so.
After all, what could possibly go wrong when people who don't want a child so much that they are willing to kill it are forced to have that child anyway?
Also, please understand that the Republicans are strong advocates of limiting government powers, which is why they want the government involved in the most deeply personal life and death decisions a family will ever make.
And don’t forget, the Republicans are determined to demonize Planned Parenthood, the organization most responsible for teaching couples about contraception, the best method of avoiding unwanted pregnancy and abortion.
Finally, the Republicans claim to be protector's of the innocent, while they routinely attempt to cut the budgets of those federal agencies focused on lifting up the innocent, many of whom are in their situations as a direct result of centuries of ruthless oppression organized by various levels of government.
Now What??
If the abortion policies of both Democrats and Republicans don't make any sense to you, here's your problem.
You're sane. You could be intelligent too. You might even be an adult.
In a coming article the Crackpot Party will outline it's own abortion policies, because if everybody else gets to be yelled at, scorned, ridiculed, and abused, we want our fair share of that too.
If there’s any Internet reader left who is not deeply offended by this article, we Crackpots apologize and want to fix this asap, because it’s the Crackpot Party mission to tell Americans that which they don’t want to hear. We Crackpots are convinced that if we stick loyally to this policy, we may get as many as seven votes in the upcoming 2024 presidential election. Yes, THAT MANY!!!