How do you find happiness?
I don’t know but I would love to know………..
By the time you reach this line you would have formed an opinion already and I couldn’t have asked a more stupid question, considering the answer is obvious. So why don’t those who know give me the answer?
Some people will get philosophical and tell me its “all out there, all you have to do is see it in a positive light….” Others will say that it’s “all in the mind”; some might say “you have it all yet you are not satisfied” and so on and so forth.
Each one of us will have different opinions and that’s bound to happen because each one of us is unique! We see the same thing in a different way which gives us different perspectives and opinions. But one needs to respect the other’s view and not criticize and condemn something just because they don’t agree with it.
I am not trying to be philosophical or preachy here, but I think people can live better without being judgmental.
Past few days my mind has been abuzz with too many thoughts, either there is too much happening in my life or the lack of it and the worst part is that I haven’t been able to find peace any where except just one area of my life, my work. I actually dread going home because those thoughts which I keep at bay while I am at work just attack me the moment I step into the house. They are dark, cold, haunting and taunting thoughts which disturb me and I am pretty much going insane. I know wise people say that we need to look at people who are living in worse conditions for us to realize that our problems are smaller compared to theirs. But the human being that I am, most times I fail to do so, because I have seen myself struggling for the past 7 odd years with very few moments of respite. I am not scared of the struggle and hard work, but what I am scared of is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Right now it feels like I am running through a never ending tunnel, desperately searching for the light which is elusive. I can’t relax the kind of person I am, if I want something I want it bad and right away and right now I want companionship. I want my soul mate, when will he come? When I am old? Then what is the idea behind spending our lives together? I miss someone in my life truly, madly, deeply. It’s been more than 2 years since I have enjoyed the sense of belonging. I am at such a stage now that I don’t sense belongingness any where neither friends nor family or for that matter any other social circle. I have been through rough phases of my life such phases might have just broken any other girl down but I have hung on and still fighting it out. I just wish that at the end of the day I had someone to go back to and share my woes with, who would reassure me that everything is going to be alright!
I miss my mother a lot but when I dial her number to talk to her I find it hard to connect with her. I literally forced my brother to come back even though he wanted to stay with my parents because I hated to be alone. I have pretty much cut myself from all my friends because I find it hard to fit it. But on the other hand just a text from an unknown number appreciating me and my writings makes me happy though the person wasn’t ready to reveal himself. What is happening to me? Am I going psycho? Am I losing my mind?
I look forward to the day when I will complete my book because nowadays more then reality I live in a world of imagination which gives me immense happiness.
There are too many worries in the real world, brother’s job, my marriage and so on but you know what troubles me most? The inability to connect with anyone and off late it’s become incessant, I dread of ending up alone in this big bad world!